Knots

I went home from work Friday with knots in my stomach. I might be too hard on myself, but I just didn't feel right about something. I hugged a little kinder on the way out the door and asked myself, "What did you do for him this week?"

I have a little guy who is tying my heart in knots. I just don't feel like I have "broken through" to him the way I want to. I just don't feel like I am giving him the days at school that I want him to have -- that he needs to have.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Or on him. I know, I know. We've only been in school for 5 weeks.

And, I know what they say -- "You can't save them all."

But I want to save them all! And, if you don't want to save them all, then of course you won't save them all.

I think all of my kinders deserve my best. And, just because you come from a background, from a family, and most likely from a prenatal experience that was tied in knots; that doesn't mean you don't deserve to be believed in.

It would be so easy to think to myself, "Oh, this little guy has had it so rough for five years. There's no way we can untie all those knots."

But, I'm not taking the easy way on this one. Not on any of my kiddos.

I don't care how many colleagues I have to beg for advice and ideas, I don't care how many e-mails I have to send to this little one's family, and I don't care how many people tell me I can't untie all those knots.

I'm going to try.

Yes, this little one's probably going to break my heart. No, he's probably never going to love school the way my other students do.

But, Eli Young Band says it best -- "Keep on dreaming, even if it breaks your heart."

And, I have big dreams for this little guy. I hope he starts to dream too; and I hope at least one of them comes true.